allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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