john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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