What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
