what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
