that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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