I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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