We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
