Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
