Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
