I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
