You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
