Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
