oh god the rape fog is back!
I am midnight drunk by noon
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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