You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
