I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
