FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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