i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
