Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
