I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
