But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
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