So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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