I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
