My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
