My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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