i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
