Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
