I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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