i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
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The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
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My breasts were aching with rage.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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