Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
COCAINE IS GR8
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
