You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
