She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
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Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
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Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
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