bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
