I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
