There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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