am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
