I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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