So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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