Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
