hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize