yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
