I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
