Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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