He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
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