anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
