Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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