if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
