You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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