I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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