I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
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Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
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Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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