We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I love you. Go after that dick
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
