Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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