dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
