This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
