He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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