Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
