went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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