I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
