I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
