It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
