the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We left the knife in your bed.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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