i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
