oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
