If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Alive.
So much puke
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
