Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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